Sunday, November 15, 2009

Me and My New friend, (unwanted friend that Is)

I remember just not too long ago I would say to ppl, "I have barely had 10 hours of sleep all week long." Well, lately I've been telling them, I am barely awake for 10 hours at a time. Often times, less.
I was just recently dx'd with Fibro. Whcich explains all the tiredness and weak feeling all the time. I can seriously go out to the car for something, come back in as if I had just run up and down the street. To Vacume my living room is a two-part job. Have to stop and rest beore I can finish.
Dr. has put me on a two-week trial pack of Savella. Well, hard to tell if it is gonna help or not, cause I have been in a flare up with RSD and Fibro both for several days now. Even spent 2 days wheeling 'round in my ol wheelchair. That poor thing hasn't seen a butt in quite sometime now.
I guess I have to get another 2 week trial....only this time it is already in my system and I dont wanna start the 12.5's again and work my way up. Maybe I will have her RX me only 2 weeks of the 50 mgs to see for sure.....AFTER the flare up is gone of course.
It is one thing to suspect having a disease, and another to find that in fact, I do. I have heard more positive feedback about pain contrlol with fibro than I ever heard with RSD. These 5 mg norcos just aren't cutting it. Not even taken the edge off. I feel I have the right to have adequate pain control, if possible with at least one of the terrible chronic pain and fatigue conditions. Already know my luck with that concerning the RSD.
How does fibro affect "me" personally?
First, the fatigue...OMG! The loss of desire for anything due to fatigue. Thank God my 15 yr old daughter now has her permitt and believe me when I tell you, I let her use it all she wants. I now have my personal driver.
Secondly, the RLS, (restless leg syndrome), I have yet to find a breathing exercise or mind power concentration to help with the RLS.
Thirdly, the pain. Yes...the "P" word. That is a 4-letter word in my book. The feeling of my muslces coming off the bone is one symptom of pain I feel. Sometimes it feels as tho I feel the grain if my muscles buring inside or tearing. So hard to explain to one who hasn't lived a day with it. One day is all it would take for one to undertand what it is like being me. And they would be tryin like Hell to get the clock to strike midnight early.
I can honestly say I lve my life on the inside. I am proud of who I am. I am proud of who my kids are. I hope my light shines on them each day of their lives. I hope to be an inspiration to them.
They are wonderful for always asking...."Mom how do you feel today? What is your pain level? What is your stress level? Do you need to go rest?" These are real questions my innocent sweet babies have to ask me everyday. It breaks my heart to see them feeling sorry for me, or saying they would take some of the pain if it would make me feel better......Tessa 13 and Kelli 11, like to lie in bed next to me and intangle thier lil fingers in my hair. They have no idea how relaxing that is to me. How is sooths my every stress.
I have accepted my RSD the best I think one can. I have yet to accept the fibromyalgia. I will tho, and 'before' it gets me down and beats me.